It’s Easter for some of us. A day of hope, new life and rebirth after a season of darkness, denial of self and comfort. I remember when my greatest sacrifice during Lent was chocolate; only to be rewarded with a basket full of the stuff on Easter morning.

But these days I realize that some of the things I have let go of may never be restored. They cannot be found nested in fluorescent green faux grass in a brightly colored ribboned basket like chocolate eggs. and that is okay. With maturity comes reality.

I have given up more than chocolate on this, my 60th dark night of the soul. Most of it centers around my expectations and my optimistic view of the the world. It’s true. I generally believe that truth comes to light in the face of lies, that good overcomes evil, that love is more powerful than hate, that family is family, that all people are good and will do the right thing if given the opportunity.

This season I didn’t wrestle with cravings for sweets or any number of “things” that I vainly considered sacrifice in the past. This season I wrestled with truth and darkness and my belief that the world is a beautiful place. It’s not. Always. 

So I gave up my expectations. They’re a hard thing to let go of. They are so sweet on the tongue but they are bitter in the belly. Expectations contain a certain element of privilege…a quid pro quo for being honest and good and decent. This world, this life, don’t owe me anything.

I didn’t expect any sort of Easter morning basket of blessing this year. But surprisingly that is exactly what I received; just not in the places I normally expect to find them. Giving up my expectations allowed me to see things in a new light, to find blessings in the things I have spent a lifetime not noticing.

I rise today with new found hope surprised by grace. That’s better than chocolate. Really it is. You can trust me on that. Happy Easter.

Shi Sai Sunday’s Week in ReVerse -16 April 2017

I can’t bring myself to close it, not yet
is it any wonder that we bleed
if they only knew how many dives, we played to get here.
pale full moon lunacy
with hearts black as coal
it’s all perception
unless you’re a rock
savor each moment’s bliss
shock and awfulness
the door was padlocked
no one ever suspected
people don’t really want to know
sympaths say “poor you”
noshing on beautiful chocolate cake,
i die a bit each day to pass the time,
a hint of summer in the air, raindrops
sweetness

~kat

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A shi sai or ReVerse poem is a summary poem with a single line lifted from each entry of a collection of work over a particular timeframe and re-penned in chronological order as a new poem. Unlike a collaborative poem, the shi sai features the words of one writer,providing a glimpse into their thoughts over time. I use it as a review of the previous week. 😊