I think of loss when I think of 2017. Loss of friends and family to the great chasm forged by the US election. Loss of safety in a land whose people feel emboldened to hate, discriminate and dismiss others not white, privileged or born here. Loss of the ideals that once bound us all; things like truth, honor, common decency, compassion, empathy and kindness. Loss of hope that I will have security in retirement…scratch that…I am resigned to the fact that I shall likely need to work for some company who cares only about profit margins and synergy savings and downsizing, until I die.

It all feels pretty grim. And yet I resist. I fight for what I believe is right and good and true. I extend a reed from the sharp edges of my bleeding heart, hoping to bridge the divide between me and those I never stopped loving. I dream of a day when religion is not used as a weapon and laws are not written to discriminate and exclude, but to serve all and protect. I tread lightly on the precious soil beneath my feet, leaving tiny footprints, though others may trample our mother’s green places, spewing poison in her waterways. I try to be good. To repay malice with kindness; avarice with generosity. To be a flicker of light in the growing darkness. To love and not hate.

I wonder how much more I can lose and still survive. And yet, I am still here living and breathing through things I was certain would break me.

But I am not broken. I have a heart that beats, and a conscience that sings me to sleep each night. I have an inner light that stirs me every day to press on. And so I do.

There is comfort in knowing that I am not alone. That there are others like me who wrestle with darkness. Who speak the truth. Who love unconditionally. Who care for the least of us. When I start to feel weary I remember the good and goodness that exists.

Sometimes losing everything helps us realize what is most important. It helps us let go of the things that were never ours to hold, bringing us to our truest self. It lightens our load for the long journey home.

While I’m not home yet, I think I know the way. Following the light is all it takes. Just follow the light. Just follow the light.

Shi Sai Sunday’s Week in ReVerse – 16 July 2017

remember the good
maybe
purr in rhapsody, the muse
filled to brim longing
most comes to mind, not amusing
when the tree bough breaks
dressed in eerie blue
welcome us in death
like diamonds
and dragons…
you are from eden
tiny gift
to the day

~kat

A shi sai or ReVerse poem is a summary poem with a single line lifted from each entry of a collection of work over a particular timeframe and re-penned in chronological order as a new poem. Unlike a collaborative poem, the shi sai features the words of one writer, providing a glimpse into their thoughts over time. I use it as a review of the previous week.