the rain is enough for now

elevator music is little consolation,
mindless games on my smartphone,
a favorite song, full blast,
channel surfing, tik tok scrolling,
chocolate, hot tea, happy thoughts,
positive thinking is futile, powerless
when the unknown looms just beyond
my reach, and the answers I seek
demand patience that is wearing thin…
thinner still, the veil, drifting into view
brushing my shoulders, caressing me
in the excruciating silence of waiting
waiting is a merciless exercise
where I find myself counting each breath, 
inhaling deeply, filling to the brim,
exhaling slowly, settling into my skin,
to think I try to find solace in these things,
to muster silly defenses 
against the terribleness of unknowing 
when all I really need is to feel,
to experience the moment, the now
to hear the rain dancing on the roof
to realize it’s enough 
and all I need to know 

-kat

on the way to becoming

I dipped my toes into the dirt the other day
leaves of grass gave way, crushed under my feet,
blades of green sprouting through the in between
I expected to feel magic, connection, something
I don’t know what I was thinking…it’s been so long
since I‘ve let my feet run free, unencumbered 
by socks and hard-soled shoes, not a day goes by
that I allow myself this luxury, so long it has been
that my feet stumble, my toes curl inward, when I try
throwing me off balance, how unfamiliar it feels, 
I suppose it has been too long, but I hope not too late
to reconnect with the space beneath me, with the world
around me, with the dirt, cool and moist, soft and forgiving
there is magic, I’m sure of it, I’ve just forgotten how to dance
while on my way to becoming, I forgot how to become undone

~kat