Category Archives: Humor

Accidental Cat Lady – NaPoWriMo/GloPoWriMo Challenge Day 29

Accidental Cat Lady

I need to remind you, Matilda my dear

it was you who chose me in late May of last year,

delivering four kittens underneath my old house.

I couldn’t just leave you like some heartless louse.

I rescued you, fed you, found everyone homes.

Now safe from the streets you are, never to roam.

But since you have joined my cat family, now six

you still run and hide, when I’m too close, you hiss!

It’s clear I’m your servant, there’s no doubting that,

slaving away while you sleep and grow fat!

Would it kill you, Matilda, to trust me a bit,

bring your feral butt over and let me love it?

I need to remind you, Matilda my dear

you chose well with me, you have nothing to fear.

~kat


I am a reluctant cat lady. I never planned to have SIX cats, but Matilda decided differently when she had her kittens under my front porch! We rescued two boys and a girl ( the white trio above) straight away. The boys mercifully are thriving with another family. The runt, our Frankie is growing like a weed! Matilda and her one all black kitten, Schrodinger, so named because he and his mum eluded capture for over a month, were on the lam long enough to develop a feral attitude! I’m happy to say that after a year they are just now allowing me to touch them lightly, briefly. Baby steps, consistency and a lot of patience is paying off! That makes three new kittens added to my aging brood, Casey (marble/white Tonkinese kitty, age 16), Sebastian (fluffy gray and white, age 18) and his brother Merlin (black and white, tuxedo coat, age 18). I didn’t plan to be a cat lady. But what’s a lover of creatures great and small to do?!

For NaPoWriMo/GloPoWriMo Challenge Day 29: write a paean to the stalwart hero of your household: your pet.


it doesn’t make me a bad person…NaPoWriMo/GloPoWriMo Challenge Day 27

it doesn’t make me a bad person…

what some call guilty pleasures, I have done without a thought
day long movie marathons, in pj’s, eating chocolat
I’ll have dessert, even if it tips the scales a tad
no tinge of guilt, no remorse; I refuse to feel bad

who made the rules that said I couldn’t have a taste of cake
thank you but no thanks I’ll be regifting that crass keepsake
oh don’t be such a wuss, you know, I know you’ve done it too
I set the phone on mute and screen the calls as they come through

hit the snooze and hunker down, sleeping in ’til after noon
put off to the last minute things, then lie they’ll be done soon
before you dare to judge me and chastise me for my flaws
its fair that I remind you none of this is set in law

pleasures stolen now and then won’t send a soul to hell
lightening up a bit might be a good thing, who can tell?
if a thing makes you feel guilty, remember you are free
indulge yourself, no regrets, and embrace your joie de vivre!

~kat


A review of my so-called flaws for today’s NaPoWriMo/GloPoWriMo Challenge Day 27: write a poetic review of something that isn’t normally reviewed. For example, your mother-in-law, the moon, or the year 2020 (I think many of us have some thoughts on that one!)


The Greatest in the History of All Things Great, Greatness – NaPoWriMo/GloPoWriMo Challenge Day 16

The Greatest in the History of All Things Great, Greatness

We had the most beautiful piece of cake!
Everyone tells me it’s so, believe me,
except for fake news, they’re the enemy,
phony, the worst, agents of the deep state.

I always win bigly, losers I hate.
Mistakes? I don’t make them, never, not me.
We had the most beautiful piece of cake!
Everyone tells me it’s so, believe me.

I promise to make America great.
It’s going to be tremendous, you’ll see.
I alone, stable genius…covfefe…
loved by Vlad Putin, Kim Jong Il, and Xi.
We had the most beautiful piece of cake!

~kat


For NaPoWriMo/GloPoWriMo Challenge Day 16: write a poem of over-the-top compliments. Pick a person, place, or thing you love, and praise it in the most effusive way you can. Go for broke with metaphors, similes, and more.

Well, I had a bit…oh hell, I had a tremendous, stupendous time poking political fun today. I know of no other politician who is more well versed in over-the-top, extravagantly, effusive self-adulation and duplicity than President 45. I used a Rondel, a French form consisting of 13 lines: two quatrains and a quintet, rhyming as follows: ABba abAB abbaA. The capital letters are the refrains, or repeats. 

 


not guilty – NaPoWriMo/GloPoWriMo Challenge Day 13

last cookie

guilty, not sorry
somebody had to do it…
eat the last cookie

~kat


And it was delicious! A haiku for today’s NaPoWriMo/GloPoWriMo Challenge Day 13: write a non-apology for the things you’ve stolen.

 


Twittering Tales #140 – 11 June 2019

Twittering Tales
About the challenge: Each Tuesday I will provide a photo prompt. Your mission, if you choose to accept the challenge, is to tell a story in 280 characters or less. When you write your tale, be sure to let me know in the comments with a link to your tale. This is important as I have noticed that some of the ping backs have not been working. If you would prefer to post your tale in the comments (some people have very specific blog themes but still want to participate), I am happy to post a link to your site when I post your tale in the Round Up.

A final note: if you need help tracking the number of characters in your story, there is a nifty online tool that will count for you at charactercountonline.com.

I will do a roundup each Tuesday, along with providing a new prompt. And if for some reason I missed your entry in the Roundup, as I have occasionally done, please let me know. I want to be sure to include your tale.

Finally, have fun!


Twittering Tales #139 -The Roundup

books-1039985_1280

Photo by Portrait of Tracy at Pixabay.com

Starting us off…

Tea Time
A leaky faucet shattered the silence. Insomnia plagued Hannibal. But this would be his last night in hell. His new book, “A Vintage Tea Party” had earned him freedom.
“Tomorrow afternoon, it’s tea with the ladies,” he smirked, “they’re going to love my savory finger sandwiches.”
~kat
279 Characters

By Fandango at This, That, and the Other:
The Palm of My Hand
“Why did you take your books down from your shelves?” she asked.
“I’m donating them to the local library,” he answered.
“You don’t want them anymore?”
“Nope.”
“Why not?”
“Because I downloaded them all onto my Kindle and now I have my entire collection in the palm of my hand.”
“Cool.”
(278 characters)

By Enzo at Travel, Good Food, Arts and More:
Book Titles
Derrick was trying to make order in the flat and sort the books out that seemed to be Coming Out all over. Some selection criteria were needed to Weed Out the useless books no one would ever read. He knew some Small Sacrifices was needed despite his passion and respect for books.

By Larry at East Elmhurst A Go Go:
Hey, You Never Know
Leo and Sylvia were at the Wyoming Free Library’s book sale. She was smitten by a copy of Jean Anouilh’s ‘Homulus the Mute’. “Get a load of her,” he said. “As a rule her idea of high culture is watching ‘Family Feud.’ Suddenly she’s the queen of the eggheads.”
(263 characters) 

By Reena at ReInventions:
Disappeared
digital libraries
bring so much at our fingertips
but joy of fingers brushing accidentally
on the book covers
shy glances exchanged
before moving away
exchanging books
meeting again to return those
-Disappeared forever…

By Di at Pensitivity101:
‘There are a lot of good titles here. What’s the problem?’
‘None of them are any good.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah. I can’t find one thick enough to prop the coffee table up.’
161 characters

By Kristian at Tales from the Mind of Kristian:
The Final Dedication
All her life Susan collected the awesome books written by her high-school boyfriend.
His death was reported on the news that morning. Wistfully she picked up his last book. It fell open on the dedication page. The line burned her eyes.
“Dedicated to my first and only love, Susan.”
[280 Characters]

By Sadje at Keep It Alive:
The craziness had to stop. How many books anyone can read or buy! They were running out of room to store them. Today while her husband was gone on another of his book buying expedition, she had arranged a garage sale. “ Going cheap, anyone?”
Character count: 241

By Tessa at Tessa Can Do It:
Books Out Of Control
“Linda what are you doing now? Did you find the negatives from Lucy’s baby pictures?”
“Oh Ron, I found several of my books are undamaged, help me box them up.”
“Where are the negatives,?”
“I haven’t found them yet.”
“We came to rescue the negatives, not books. Come on let’s go!”
275 characters

By Willow at WillowDot21:
Book Titles
Tuesday afternoon, three hundred steps away. Two hours sanctuary at the library, he always has a carer so she’s not worried.
Books don’t ask questions, they don’t get agitated they were quiet.
She smiles chats advises be herself not a carer. Pratchett he made her remember.
(280 Characters)

By Ron at Read 4 Fun:
A Full Life Well Read
Here was a life lived well. Pen names over multiple genres were an excellent disguise. Advice, storytelling, flights of fancy, and explorations of dark thoughts best kept hidden and played out only in the mind, all collected here. As a retired journalist, it’s time to write -30-
280 characters

By Wildchild47 at The Immortals:
The Immortals
Black robed, his cry in the wilderness –
The religion of it, it’s a killing room, filled with the lovers long forgotten, their spent flesh a repast for our feast, _ we honour them in our atonement, this, our wars of the roses.
From the middle distance, we moved towards His Light.

The Well of Lost
the well of lost …
and found – socks, plots, buckets, brooms, spores, sprouts & the crescent moon, et al.

By Lisa at Tao Talk:
Glass
Flo, a quiet millionaire, earns her money through writing dozens of novels that hit the bestseller lists. Only her offshore bank and her agent know that Flo writes under many names. Flo’s multiple personalities, all top writers, demand to be published under their own names.
[276 characters]

By Peter at Peter’s Pondering:
46 to choose from. Therein lay the clue to the lost treasure!
It was all there in the Last Will and Testament of old Aunt Agatha.
She’d written that, in these books, I would find a wealth beyond measure.
Only after finishing “The Great Hunt” did I get it.
Reading was the treasure!
(277 characters)

By Kelley at AuthorAnonBlog:
Waiting
“I’ve read every last one.”
“That one?” Shari nodded to the oldest book in the pile.
“My favorite, it has every spell possible, even one to bring back the dead.”
“Wow.” Shari knew the guy was a fruit loop. “I should get going.”
“So soon? But I’ve been waiting for you for eons.”
Word Count: 53 words – 277 characters

By Lorraine at Lorraine’s Frilly Freudian Slip:
Testing, Testing, Testing…
Kingdom Besieged. War of the Roses. Insomnia. Vintage Tea Party. Kill Room. The Religion. Hannibal, Spartacus, [& the] Emperor [s]. Crown of Swords.
Great hunt for talent is over. Twittering Tales Music Festival is a go. Invite write here on your cellphone. Dune be late!
270

By Deb at Twenty Four:
Marcia sighed, the will had been quite specific and though she really couldn’t see the point, respecting her brother’s request she had set about carrying out his last wishes.
Now that the books were organized she commenced the second stage.
“Ok, who has ticket B12?”
(264 characters)

By Rob at Art by Rob Goldstein:
The Book Party
He arrived at the book party in a trench coat, heavy black boots, and tight jeans. His thick black hair and working class sneer gave him the air of a dashing literary genius, and his fans and lovers took him as one.
No one read his sweaty anxiety and dread.
220 Characters


Thank you everyone for joining last week’s challenge! I do hope you had fun with it. For this week’s challenge I found this interesting photo (I’m hoping it is enhanced! ;)) by nahidhatamiz at Pixabay.com.

I like a good ghost story…do tell, or maybe your tale is about ravens or sunflowers…or black dresses and has nothing at all to do with ghosts. Whatever you see here, just try to keep your character count under 280 characters or less. I’ll see you at the Roundup next week! Have fun! 🙂


Twittering Tales #140 – 11 June 2019

Diversification Strategy

Essie had earned a respectable reputation as a specter. Then came reality TV. Spirits now had to compete with demons for attention.

“Oh Basil, I hate this century!”
“Don’t lose your head over it Essie. Demons bore easily. You’ll see.”
“Brilliant idea!”
“I didn’t mean…oh dear!”

~kat

276 Characters


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