Exclamation! Birth!
(Life between Parentheses)
The End…Period?
kat ~ 22 September 2015
(A note to earlier visitors to this Haiku. I was not satisfied with the ending. Just a tweak more punctuation needed. 😊 c’est fini!)
Category Archives: Essays
Rant
I have spent the better part of this week frolicking with that great pretender, Fiction. Six Word Stories, Haiku poetry, 100 Word Stories. It’s been a holiday of sorts. An opportunity to hone my writing skills…I kept telling myself. But honestly, it has been more of an escape than a detour of fancy. The world can be overwhelming sometimes. I feel everything. Your stuff…my stuff…the stuff of strangers. I am usually quite adept at regaining my center. Focusing on the moment. Breathing. Releasing.
But I have found myself distracted recently. There are a few triggers that have sent me spinning. One has to do with religious freedom and all the blah, blah, blah that has erupted. This whole brouhaha, inflated by profiteering politicians, mega-ministries and their wide-eyed, uniformed followers, is a scam. The state of our religious freedom in this country remains as intact as it ever was. You are free to pray, to worship and to practice your brand of religion. Please don’t think though, that that freedom gives you the right to impose your belief on others. It doesn’t. Just because you can’t ram your god down our throats doesn’t mean your freedom is under attack. Stop acting like selfish jerks. There I said it! It doesn’t feel particularly satisfying to say it. But it is the truth. Sometimes the truth is not pretty.
What really has me reeling is this ugly confederate flag thing. Not the obnoxious over the top bubba’s parading down the highway with huge flags flapping from the beds of their pickup trucks. I can easily dismiss their raucous behavior. It is ignorant, offensive and immature, but as a person who appreciates the rights and freedoms promised us in this great nation of ours, I support their right to wave whatever banner they wish from the confines of their own personal space and property. The public square should be off limits, though. Regardless of the reasoning for your personal allegiance to this flag, it is a historical fact that its creators were motivated by prejudice, white privilege and treason. Yes, it has its place in history. That’s where it belongs…the tattered emblem of an ill-fated band of rebels who lost the battle.
Sadly it has been resurrected again and again as the rumblings of secession has risen from the ashes. When justice prevailed in the late ’50’s and segregation in our communities and our schools was banned, southern states responded by closing schools and opening underground “white” schools bearing the names of their confederate heroes. They raised rebel flags right next to old glory, establishing a tainted legacy for future generations of students. It has reared its ugliness again recently in the wake of the surge of a new generation of rebels. Why do I even care? Why does anyone care?
I care because recently someone I know on social media, changed her profile picture to that flag. I want to tell her how offensive I find it. I want to tell her that just because she has a right to use it as her profile photo, doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. I want to ask her if she personally knows anyone of color and if she does, I want to ask her if they have told her how that flag makes them feel. Or maybe they’re like me. Choosing silence instead of opening up this nasty can of worms, wincing in disgust each time she posts a comment or a bible verse or a cute cat video because her picture is there…right there. Well not her picture exactly, but the photo she has chosen to represent who she is to the world. Most of all I simply want to ask her why.
I don’t ask. I already know the answer. She’s said as much in her own rants on the topic. It’s the banner of her beloved school. It’s her right to display it wherever she chooses. No one can take her flag away. It’s part of her history. And now everyone knows.
I’d have to agree. Yes, she has the right. Yes, it is her history. But she must know that it is offensive. And that is a problem for me….knowing that she can consciously choose to offend others, even if they are faceless strangers. I keep hoping she’ll get this out of her system and return her smiling face to its rightful place in her profile. But I am losing hope. And grieving.
If there is any redeeming lesson to be taken from this, it is that I have become more aware of the banners that I may be guilty of hoisting high for all to see. It has caused me to consider the silent affect that my attitude and actions may have on others. Like this rant. It’s not my best moment. Yep, sometimes the truth is not pretty. hmmmmmm.
I know I need to find my way back to center. To the magnificence of each precious moment that provides me with all I need to know about being present in this life. My highest calling is not found somewhere outside of myself and therefore has little to do with the chaos swirling all around me. It is found deep in my heart.
And my friend? The why isn’t as important to me as it was when this rant began. Sometimes I need to get the words out of my head in plain sight before I can get back on track. If you are still reading, thank you for your patience…and grace.
Part of embracing my heart’s truth means surrendering to love. Love that is patient, kind and does not take offense. I have a long way to go before I consistently get it right. We all do. And I have hope for her and me and all of us. Love never fails.
Kat ~ September 2015 (rant over…breathe in…and…)
Update…next morning 6:35 am…
Right on cue…the morning after this ugly rant of mine, this was waiting for me in my news feed,,,
I just love how the universe sends me little affirming messages, and when needed, a swift kick in the rear. And I am grateful this morning….and for this moment. 😊
A Place Where People Live Forever (part 2)
(photo credit~MLC 1956-2015)
I’m back again. It’s always in the fall that I think about her and others from our tight little circle. I suppose my memories are prompted in part by the rows of notebooks, pens and Elmer’s Glue in the Back to School sections of the local discount store. Just a whiff of crayola crayons can send me back. This time of year was our best time. Filled with the stories of summer, new classes, pep rallies and library antics. Partners in the petty crimes of adolescence we were. And though fate took us all on different paths, there has remained after all these years a familiar cord linking us through our memories past and chance encounters in the present.
When I grow nostalgic for my old friends, I spend time with their profile pages and photos on Facebook. I always spend a little more time on ML’s profile, those familiar updates and photographs now frozen in time. Her last entry penned just a few short months before her passing. She is the first of us to have crossed over.
Each time I can’t help smiling at that silly yard ornament staring at a budding spring sprout. Each time I swallow hard when reality sinks in and I regret not making it back to Chicago to see her. When we are young time is of little value to us, but as we get older time’s significance and fleeting nature hits painfully hard.
I “Friended” her this visit. I know…I know, it won’t amount to much. There is in fact nobody home to respond to my request. But sometimes…those times when i need to feel like I still have a modicum of control in and over my life, I just need to do something radical.
ML would understand. I know she would. She’d smile and call me crazy. Perhaps I am, just a touch. But for one brief moment I felt less vulnerable to the randomness of life and death. Maybe if I’m lucky we can chat about it, we two, in my dreams.
kat ~ september 2015
a moment’s fall from grace
‘twas a detour from
grace that raised
the demons of my
deepest fears…in
a second i let my
eyes shift from
sacred moments to
regretful yesterdays
and hopeless futures,
my present drowning
in a sea of unanswerable
questions, when?
where? who? what?
why?
it’s an understandable
misstep, my scatterbrained
tendency to follow
the cacophony of
voyeuristic busybodies,
like a moth to flame,
knocks me off
center singeing my
fickle flesh, disconnecting
me from my core, leaving
me breathless. ‘tis true
in the midst of catastrophic
distractions i forget to
breathe and lose all
mindfulness.
but the moment, ever
present, waits in the wings
of my thrashing fright,
a heartbeat’s breath
near, to wrap me in
blissful embrace from
the immediacy of nothingness
into the radiant epiphany
of pure love, peace and
knowing. to breathe,
just breathe is all this
present moment asks
to deliver me home.
kat ~ 31 Aug 2015
Multi-tasking…A Six Word Story
Multi-tasking overwhelms mindfulness…a true story.
TBC…
I just realized this morning that I have been going a mile-a-minute for the past few weeks. “Just realized” is a sad statement on the current condition of my goal to live mindfully…embracing each moment. In my corporate job multi-tasking is a prized attribute. A buzzword that looks impressive on a resume and if executed earns kudos in job reviews, but it can get the best of me if I’m not careful. How did I even squeeze out enough time to consider that I had fallen off the wagon? Well, I rather think it was the Moment tapping me on the shoulder. I started to feel uninspired, frustrated, and hurried, even though I did not have any particular place to be. And I am sorry to say I suffered for several days in this uneasiness until I figured it out. Losing the interest to write brought me full-face to the pavement. Wow! How did I let myself get so out of balance?
It’s a slippery slope as they say. And while I’d like to blame it on my daytime job, I can’t. My workdays are always busy, running into each other with hardly a break from one day to the next. No, the onus is entirely on me, my will and my lack of attention and determination to eek out the space and time to be in those moments that sustain me. Not to mention, remembering to breathe. And not the unconscious in and out whiffs that we all do without thinking. No, it’s the “stop what I’m doing, focus on my center, deep inhale, slow exhale breathing” I’m talking about. It’s something I desperately need.
So, what is the solution? How do I get back on track?
First, I need to shed the idea that moments and finding them are spontaneous little magic miracles that just happen taking me by surprise. Even though moments and miracles happen every second of every day, they don’t become “my” moments unless I am paying attention. And incredibly, because they are happening everywhere, all the time, just waiting to be discovered, all I need to do is stop…breathe…and open my eyes. There is no limit to what each moment holds and each precious one is ours for the taking…and embracing!
Second, I need to stop taking things that don’t matter so seriously. I mean, SERIOUSLY, a year from now…or a month from now, or even tomorrow, will whatever it is that I’m angsting over really matter? If not, then I need to learn to let it go. To empty my mind to make room for the good stuff. It is impossible to live the optimistic, positive life I have chosen for myself without doing a little housecleaning on a regular basis.
And Third, I need stop beating myself up over losing my way. It’s not the end of the world after all to have slipped a bit …unless it is actually the end of the world, but I am convinced that even then, there will be something amazing to reflect on in the moment. Because moments are like that. Moments are infinite blessings with no beginning or end…eternal bliss.
And with that, I shall bid you adieu. I have a long-overdue appointment with a moment that I cannot miss. It’s going to be amazing. I just know it!
kat
Most Inspirational Blogger Nominee
