she lights the room with her smile, well-practiced over decades, a gracious nod, a coy wink, she is masterful in the art of ladylike-ness, her voice like silk, never veering from script, lilt of laughter strategically slicing through the din of conversation, charming, ever charming, polite, nice exuding familiarity, sensuality, chastity… she’s an illusion, perfection in red lipstick, powdered porcelain skin, sculpted by shape wear suffocated by the tyranny of oppressive opinion maintaining the status quo keeping the peace
once upon a time she was fierce, a wild child, smart, inquisitive, intuitive, magical, a budding creator creature connected to Gaia, calloused feet muddied from stream-tripping, and forging untraveled paths she hasn’t forgotten the girl but secretly she loathes her, deceived by the lies repeated to her by those she trusted most
years from now when the porcelain cracks like an eggshell, she’ll emerge, granted by the fates the gifts of age and wisdom as she sheds the chrysalis that has held her through life’s tempestuous seasons to emerge fresh-faced, etched by sorrow and joy body softened, tracked by stretch marks, age spots, her once glorious golden locks salted gray, brittle-thin, oh how she will emerge magnificent boisterous, full-throated, opinionated having found her voice…her truth at long last
the girl will remember spring, come winter you may find her barefoot, tripping streams, revisiting paths forged in youth, where she’ll dance with the fairies, finally free count yourself blessed if you glimpse her take care to listen to her song, however brief, like a lullaby in the darkness holding us until dawn…alpha and omega with a smattering of lunacy in the in-between a life full lived, a force of nature silenced when Gaia calls her home
I’m a bit late to the 2024 party. As fate would have it, I was exposed to not just one, but two nasty viruses on Christmas Day at a family gathering. First to darken my door was the flu…a nasty strain this year…and then, just as I was feeling human again a week later, on New years Day, COVID finally got me (a first for me). I suppose I’ve joined the herd. If not for the booster I got last November, the doc said I might not have faired as well as I did. Still it was not how I planned on ringing in the new year! Anyhow…we’ve been snowed in for a bit…things finally melting, and I snapped this view out my front door this evening. It blew me away. I am so grateful for the beauty that surrounds me. For each sunrise and sunset. I hope you and yours are well.
Before I close out this post, I must share another view of the photo above. I applied a mirror filter to it and lo and behold, there she was right there reminding me Gaia, (as I imagine her at this time of year) sleeping amongst the roots, deep underground waiting for spring! What a gift this slight of photo editing produced! Isn’t she amazing!!! If you look at the original, you’ll see her peeking out at you. Sometimes it takes a mirror to see things more clearly.
It’s a reminder to me that it’s okay to rest (I’ve rested a lot this year). A new year need not be tackled all at once. We have 365 (actually 366 days this year) to live the promise of 2024.
I wrote a little haiku too. Of course I did! Peace and much love to you!
gaia suspended
deep beneath the snow she slumbers, dreaming of spring winter lingers long
it was a good day ‘midst the realities of life I caught her smiling
~kat
It’s the small things that keep me going. I collect these moments, keeping them close to my heart and at the ready to draw upon when the going is rough. Like a candle in the distance on a dark, dark night. Yes, it was a very good day.
there are moments when you bark at me “you’re driving too fast, too slow, too close to the road’s edge” as if i am intent on killing us both i forget in that hot minute that it is the pain screaming, not you not that i am entirely blameless, but your wrath outweighs my crime and in that bitter moment of raw helplessness, I ignore the pain that haunts you, that haunts us, that thing we dare not name, by joining your bloody diatribe regretting my loss of control the very second my defensive outburst pollutes the space between us, daggers stabbing our silenced broken hearts, our shared brokenness magnified…
when hope was a thing I imagined you walking when hope was a thing
i know I can’t possibly fathom the relentless pain you’re suffering, the endless hours trying sleep it away, the losses… your career, your plans, your independence…the least I can do is drive…just drive, please forgive my forgetfulness the pain has changed you… changed us both
“How are YOU doing?” a friend asked the other day tears gave me away
I feel it in my bones hours before the first drop when the sky floods gray and heavy, my knees scream my back aches and my hair becomes a web of straw clinging to my head…my thought process grows sluggish…and I think the very best I can manage is a nap, a very long nap in fact wake me up come spring when the rain is sweet and cool not this bone-chilling deluge that drenches fallen leaves grinding them into loam tree limbs overhead stripped bare, unable to shade the carnage below oh that it would snow, this season in between has lost its charm the letting go, the letting go… to death…I feel it in my bones
So it is easier for you to find all the parts/chapters of my ongoing fiction series, I created a new page that lists all the links. You can check it out HERE!
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