day 53

taking care…of me

I don’t exist only for you
I’m also here to live for me
it’s time that i accept the truth

I’ve wasted almost all my youth
by serving other people’s needs
I don’t exist only for you

with the time I have left I’ll do
the things that make my soul feel free
it’s time that i accept the truth

I’ve dreams that need attending to
places to go and things to see
I don’t exist only for you

it’s hard to do but I’ll push through
becoming who I’m meant to be
I don’t exist only for you
it’s time that i accept the truth

~kat

Easier said than done. Being the oldest daughter, caring for my sister and dad over the years of my mother’s illnesses and hospitalizations, being homeless, surviving amidst my family’s disfunction, I suppose I was hardwired at a young age to put my needs last if at all. I know how to survive, how to make things happen for those around me, but not for myself. I am in awe of people who go after and live their dreams. But the older I get the more I realize it’s not selfish…it’s okay…it’s more than okay to put my needs first. To set boundaries. To treat myself the way I have treated those around me all my life. It’s a tall task. It feels weird and unnatural. But I am determined to give myself permission to dream a little dream of what could be. Wish me luck. 👍

Peace and self-loving glimmers to you! You are worthy of every good thing. Yes you! 

~kat

Villanelle

When you’ve got an obsession or another intense fixation, write about it in a villanelle. The villanelle is a poetic form that originated in France, initially as a variation of pastoral poetry. Villanelles are specifically about obsessions and follow a strict form:

• 19 lines
• Five tercets (five lines)
• One quatrain
• ABA, ABA, ABA, ABA, ABA, ABAA rhyme scheme
• Line 1 repeats in lines 6, 12, and 18
• Line 3 repeats in lines 9, 15, and 19