Grief likes to sneak up on us when we least expect it. Or at least that’s what we tell ourselves when it taps us on the shoulder to remind us it’s still hanging around. Whatever the loss, there are consequences for having cared about someone or something.
Some of us try to outsmart this inevitable reality of life. We detach from anything that might cause us pain.
But, we lose things every day. Ask me how many times I’ve lost my car keys in the past year…more than a few! We may lose an opportunity, our place in line at the grocery store, because we forgot to grab peanut butter when we were on aisle 5, or we might lose our way when the gps isn’t working and tells us to turn right…right into a corn field. We may even lose our marbles…well…maybe that last one is for another discussion…though I do remember how distressed I was at age 5 or 6 when I lost my prized blue cat’s eye beauty…
But of course, these not the types of loss I am referring to. In order to grieve it is required to have loved. I am certain that life would not be worth living if not for love. And there’s the rub.
What do we do when we love, but the object of that love leaves us? What do we do with the “maybe if’s”, the “wonder why’s”, the “if only’s”, the remorse we feel if we never had the chance to say goodbye…and the anger. What do we do with that?
We always think we need closure, but closure is not a cure for grief. There is no closure when we have fully loved. There is only figuring out what to do with that love when there’s nowhere to put it and no one to receive it. That’s grief.
But it doesn’t answer my question. What do we do? Especially if we believe a life without love is a life not worth living. Do we stop living? That’s a bit drastic, but sadly it is what some of us choose to do.
Now I am speaking from experience. I’ve been grieving of late and this is what I’ve learned. Just because the person or thing you lost isn’t here anymore does not mean you stopped loving them. (Read that last line again. Do you see it? You are still loving.)
When I find myself engulfed by waves of grief, I remember how fortunate I am. I acknowledge the fact that I have the capacity for a love so deep and wide that it hurts. Sure I miss the object of my affection, but oh how grand it was to have loved them. In fact, I love them still. That’s precisely why I am grieving…for love’s sake.
Finally, here’s the thing. Though it may sound a bit pie-in-the-sky delusional (I admit it); all this grateful, positive self-talk I’m gushing, there is one more thing I do when grief catches me by surprise. I let go and have a good cry. Sometimes I even rant and scream and get mad. And that’s okay. I let the pain wash over me. Then I remind myself why it hurts so much. Love. It’s worth it you know. Love is always worth living for.
Peace and Love everyone! Yes Love, with a capital L! “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” ❤️
Shi Sai Sunday’s Week in ReVerse – 23 July 2017
baring her raw sweetness
dancing with death, like lovers,
roots never mingling,
wishes fade like ash…
so get me that beer
al desko gourmets
echo from her pearl pink pith
withering on the vine
rhapsody in muted blue
then let me be
to offer sweet
A shi sai or ReVerse poem is a summary poem with a single line lifted from each entry of a collection of work over a particular timeframe and re-penned in chronological order as a new poem. Unlike a collaborative poem, the shi sai features the words of one writer, providing a glimpse into their thoughts over time. I use it as a review of the previous week.