the rain is enough for now

elevator music is little consolation,
mindless games on my smartphone,
a favorite song, full blast,
channel surfing, tik tok scrolling,
chocolate, hot tea, happy thoughts,
positive thinking is futile, powerless
when the unknown looms just beyond
my reach, and the answers I seek
demand patience that is wearing thin…
thinner still, the veil, drifting into view
brushing my shoulders, caressing me
in the excruciating silence of waiting
waiting is a merciless exercise
where I find myself counting each breath, 
inhaling deeply, filling to the brim,
exhaling slowly, settling into my skin,
to think I try to find solace in these things,
to muster silly defenses 
against the terribleness of unknowing 
when all I really need is to feel,
to experience the moment, the now
to hear the rain dancing on the roof
to realize it’s enough 
and all I need to know 

-kat