it’s the pain, stupid
there are moments
when you bark at me
“you’re driving too fast,
too slow, too close
to the road’s edge” as if
i am intent on killing us both
i forget in that hot minute
that it is the pain screaming, not you
not that i am entirely blameless, but
your wrath outweighs my crime
and in that bitter moment of raw
helplessness, I ignore the pain
that haunts you, that haunts us,
that thing we dare not name,
by joining your bloody diatribe
regretting my loss of control
the very second my defensive
outburst pollutes the space
between us, daggers stabbing
our silenced broken hearts,
our shared brokenness magnified…
when hope was a thing
I imagined you walking
when hope was a thing
i know I can’t possibly
fathom the relentless pain
you’re suffering, the endless hours
trying sleep it away, the losses…
your career, your plans, your
independence…the least I can
do is drive…just drive,
please forgive my forgetfulness
the pain has changed you…
changed us both
“How are YOU doing?”
a friend asked the other day
tears gave me away
~kat
Author Archives: Kat Myrman
it’s the pain, stupid
autumn rain
autumn rain
I feel it in my bones
hours before the first drop
when the sky floods gray
and heavy, my knees scream
my back aches and my hair
becomes a web of straw clinging
to my head…my thought process
grows sluggish…and I think
the very best I can manage
is a nap, a very long nap
in fact wake me up come spring
when the rain is sweet and cool
not this bone-chilling deluge
that drenches fallen leaves
grinding them into loam
tree limbs overhead stripped bare,
unable to shade the carnage below
oh that it would snow, this season
in between has lost its charm
the letting go, the letting go…
to death…I feel it in my bones
~kat
pieces
pieces
she dances a slow dance
with death, barefoot, draped
in purple, to music only she hears,
whispers on wind tips, in and out
from the shadows, balancing
between dark and light, need
and want, pieces of herself
plucked from her core like
the leaves of autumn called
to sleep at the feet of their mother
she dances a slow dance
with death, slipping deeper,
deeper into the darkening
night, eyes fading, heart jaded,
breath growing shallow, voice
silenced to a whimper, donned
in purple darkened from tears
long shed from wells gone dry
praying for winter snow to gently
wrap her in silence, where blessed
sleep waits, that she might finally
rest…that she might find peace
~kat
rain dance
rain dance
to dance in the rain
cool droplets bursting on skin
pools lapping our feet
drawing us deep into the one
we call mother…we call home
come dance in the rain
drenched in heaven, head to toe
blood of stone rising
familiar scent of the earth
calling us…calling us home
dancing in the rain
our feet cool and tingling
letting go at last
like autumn leaves twirling ‘round
ashes, ashes, falling down
~kat
In case you’re wondering…yes I did. I did dance in the rain this morning. Yes, I got drenched. It was glorious! Peace to you this weekend. Praying for peace. 🕊️
i’m that cat lady
i’m that cat lady
i share space with feral cats
who glare through me with wide green eyes
plotting my demise, I’m sure of it
perched up high ready to pounce
when I turn my back, waiting for me
to close my eyes, their invitation to
settle onto my neck, paws strategically
pressed over my mouth and nostrils
purring diabolically, conjuring nightmares
that rouse me awake, gasping for breath
were it not for the fact that I feed them
each day…quality pâté, tasty treats
and kibble
that they unapologetically retch
while begging for more,
i’d most certainly be a goner by now
and yet there are moments when
they brush against my leg, purring sweetly
or roll on their backs inviting me
to give their bellies a rub or two, but
never three, before nipping my hand
a reminder, they didn’t need rescuing,
my penance for lifting them from the wild,
a lifetime of servitude, and knowing my place
silly me for ever thinking
any cat could be domesticated
~kat
Another poem today… taking advantage of some down time. Hope you and yours are doing well!
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