Category Archives: Random Thoughts and Musings

chaos theory

 

it is said that the flutter
of a butterfly wing can cause
a typhoon on the other
side of the world. i don’t
doubt it. for i have
witnessed with my own
eyes and felt the seismic
rumbling deep in my
heart, events of equal
magnitude. the changing of
the seasons, tides ebbing
swell from mere hints
of moon glow, seedlings
that burst from darkness
to light, single raindrops with
power to unsettle still
stagnant pools, whispers
that tune the ear to
higher frequencies, a kiss
on the forehead that
tingles the toes, breath
infused life, unremarkably
constant, until in an instant
its final exhale. There may well
be butterflies on some
distant shore shifting the
breeze into torrential
fury, but my own undoing
happens in the flutter
of an eyelash.

kat – this 3rd of july 2015


Lemon Pudding Bundt Cake (from memory)

Some of you may remember my last attempt at making a scratch lemon bundt cake. In a word…DISASTER!
  
While I was able to salvage bits of cake crumbs into something edible, it was not the moist, firm slice of zesty lemon cake with crackly sweet glaze that I was craving. It was just a matter of time before I gave it another go, but this time rather than search endlessly online for the perfect recipe, I decided to rely on my memory and bake the Lemon Pudding Bundt Cake that became a staple during those lean years when my kids were little and ingredients were precious. And I learned something about life and myself with my little kitchen experiment. 

Every day we’re bombarded with marketing pitches to nip, tuck, improve, beautify, educate, build muscle, lose fat, feel better, find love and get wherever it is we’re going perfectly coifed, on time and in style! And while I have nothing against these things, sometimes it is best to stick with what one knows…on what is tried and true. Doing this does not mean one is stagnant or giving up on life. Routine can be a comfortable and grounding place to land for a spell. 

There’s a reason we hold onto things. Why we can’t quite bring ourselves to part with that old sweater from high school, or that faded pressed rose between the pages of a favorite book, or why our best recipes are the ones in the back of the junk drawer, stained with butter and vanilla. I didn’t need to mess with perfection by trying something new and improved. Like Dorothy clicking those ruby slippers I had it in me all along!

Here’s the recipe I remember (in case you want to try it):

Lemon Pudding Bundt Cake 

Preheat the oven to 350 Degrees.

Combine the dry ingredients:

2 boxes of instant Jello lemon pudding (the brand matters – no generics)

3 cups all-purpose flour 

3 tsp of baking powder

1 cup sugar (I’ve converted to organic raw and it worked ok)

…and then the wet ingredients in a separate bowl:

1 stick of butter (not margarine)

1 tsp or so of vanilla

4 eggs 

1-1/2 cups of milk (use the kind with a little fat in it – I use whole)

Whip the wet until frothy and then add to the dry beating until fully blended and the batter is fluffy (I like to give it a few minutes) 

The batter will be thick. Pour into a greased/floured Bundt pan and bake for about an hour until the top looks like this…

 The center will still be too moist. Cover the top with foil to keep the cake from over browning and bake an additional 10 minutes. Allow to cool in the pan until it is no longer hot to the touch. Top with this glaze…

About a cup of powdered sugar, a tablespoon of lemon juice, a dot of vanilla and enough milk to make the glaze wet enough to drizzle down the sides of the cake.  And if you’re feeling sassy and pleased with yourself like I am this very moment, sprinkle some lemon zest on top! Go ahead, go crazy! 

  

If your cake doesn’t look exactly like this, don’t worry. Baking is an art form best practiced and practiced from the heart! And you know what they say about heart stuff…”home is where”…you know the rest. 


A note to my conservative evangelical Christian friends…and why I believe there were no losers this historic week…

  
I was once you. I believed there was only one way to the one true God and that that God was my God. I believed being saved meant that it was up to me to save the world, while separating myself from it. We learned to prey on the weak, the sick, the homeless, the lost as we called them, and to recognize those who were “ripe” to receive. My evangelism 101 class, a mandatory requisite for all new Christians at my evangelical church, taught me how to talk the talk, but not so much how to walk the talk. There were hints of it, but the most important thing was getting others…sinners…to pray the salvation prayer. Each name to be secretly added to my personal roster of “souls saved for Christ”. But I wasn’t truly saved back then. There was no grace in this lifestyle.

There was a saying we always used that allowed us to justify our mission. Love the sinner but hate the sin. The truth? As long as I was intent on changing those I perceived as sinners, it was impossible to really love them. I know that now. 

My true salvation came later in life when God finally brought me to my knees and forced me to admit that I was gay. It was a true road of Damascus type of conversion…my second salvation. I prayed until I could pray no more begging God to change me. My prayers only returned answered by confirmations of the dreadful truth that I had tried so hard to bury. It wasn’t until I became one of those unlovable others who refused to see the light, who refused to change, who were impossible to love, that I realized what grace truly was. Only then did I realize how big God is and that my vain attempts to change the world were not my job. God didn’t need my help, thank you very much. God just called me to love the most unlovable soul I knew…myself…and then eventually to love others just as God loves me.

And so believe me when I say I understand how hard this week in our history must be for you. I do. If not for God’s grace in my own life I’d be right there with you, lamenting what seems like a tragic loss for a society that feels like it is spinning out of control. Except for grace…

With Grace there are no losers, but I do believe there are great opportunities. As I look back on this week I am amazed at how Love permeated each event, calling us all to receive that Grace so freely given, along with a hefty dose of a peace that defies our understanding. 

“Love is kind, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs…” If anyone had reason to be angry. To count and recount centuries of abuse, unfairness and injustice it would be our brothers and sisters in Charleston, SC. But when given the opportunity to act, through tears of brokenness they looked hate directly in the eyes and forgave. That single act opened the floodgates of grace and allowed us to see the sickness of hate and racism that still pervades our nation. It led to another opportunity…a call to remove the emblems of hate from our public squares. “Love…does not boast, it is not proud. Love does not rejoice in evil but rejoices in truth.” It has been a hard thing for some to do. To let go of emblems considered heritage, honoring those who fought and died for a long lost cause. But for Grace and through Love for others we are truly presented with an opportunity to remove one of the conspicuous walls that divides so many of us. 

Later in the week many of us were stunned by the swift judgements passed from our highest court favorably addressing the appeals of those seeking shelter, the sick, and the outcast. That’s not how the media reported it. Talking heads with political agendas called it Fair Housing, the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare) and Gay Marriage. But Love once again offered us an opportunity. A chance to walk the talk by realizing that we are our brother’s keeper. A chance to Love with a capital L. “Love is patient, it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes…”

When Love wins, as it has in so many ways this week, there are no losers because “Love never Fails.” 

And I hope you won’t mind it if I tell you I love you. To be honest I pretty much love everybody right now! What a week! But also know that I’m here for you if you ever need me. 


Rose-Colored Lesson

  
Well now, will you look at that! My much neglected rose bush offering up a surprising second blooming in spite of me and my lack of nurturing attention, yet blessing me in the same sweet fragrant breath…

This is Grace.

kat june 27, 2015


Harriet’s Garden…

harrietsgarden

“Come see my garden,” she would say, with a twinkle in her eye as if she was offering me the key to her heart. She was. I would learn this, when on a cool, clear evening, I took her up on her invitation.

The garden’s portal was an arched gateway. Flanked by trees and curving flower beds, the garden extended from the house to the alley, an eclectic variety of benches, of stone and wood, were situated throughout the space. Each became its own tiny corner of the world offering a unique vantage point of the surroundings for those pausing to reflect.  Like tiny worlds within worlds.  Near the entrance, a great old tree hung heavy with a gaggle of hatchlings chattering for their next meal. A yearly event, I was told, this particular tree being a favorite nesting place of this latest brood’s parents. And my favorite spot yet, was a small corner nook set aside just for the faeries. I lost myself in faerie whisperings there. I could live here, I thought.

Witnessing such beauty lulled me into a sense of deep peace.  What a gift was hidden just behind the white picket fence of her century old home. And how blessed I felt to have been invited to visit.  It is an evening I will never forget. Honored am I to have known this creative, lovely soul who recently crossed beyond the veil.  I have no doubt she will be tending a magnificent garden wherever she is.  Crossing over myself, when that time comes, feels sweeter to me now, imagining her there.

kat ~ June 2015