The #realRoanoke gathered last night, close to 300 strong, on a Friday night when the Valley was bustling with Concerts, Black-Tie events and various HS Football Games. Beautiful souls, young and old, representing the incredible diversity of our community, chose to tell the world that we are a welcoming, inclusive town…even to refugees…even in the face of terrorism, the real Roanoke welcomes all who might seek haven here in the shadow of the Blue Ridge Mountains. It felt like a miracle to me. Smiling faces…welcoming faces…the love in the room was a tangible sign of hope!

Photo Credit: Freeda Cathcart

We met inside the UU church, standing room only filling the main hall, adjoining spill over room and lobby. But I had no sense that a religious affiliation was requisite. What drew us to this place was our common humanity. 

Panoramic View by Jason Garrett

We started off with a rousing tournament of Rock-Paper-Scussors! Rising to the top was a fellow named Gary, followed, in second place, by a delightful 10 year old girl. When asked what she thought about her victory she smiled and said, “It’s kinda’ weird.” It was weird and beautiful and crazy and magnificent…the night Roanoke got real.

We heard refugee testimonials. And took away a few tools as we go forward in this scary, brave new world. Yes people are scared. Fear causes one to act out in all sorts of irrational ways. Before we left, our organizer, Delegate Sam Rasoul gave us a lesson in the art of dialog that I will close with. As he said, it’s as easy as A-B-C. With family gatherings coming up, I hope you find this useful!

A…ACKNOWLEDGE…When brooching a controversial topic with someone, listen to their side. Then acknowledge…”I get what you’re saying…” 

B…BRIDGE…I know what you’re thinking…B is for a big fat “BUT”…but you should NEVER follow an acknowledgment with a but. No ifs ands or buts about it. You’ve listened to their side and acknowledged it. It’s time to share yours. The bridge phrase our wise Delagate suggested to avoid shutting down the conversation with a “but” was to simply say, “here’s the thing…” There’s a “thing”? Most people, he said, will be curious enough to let you tell them what the “thing” is. 

And C…CONVINCE. This is where facts come in handy with references and a dose of personal sentiment so that you can show that you care. Use the phrase…”that is why…”

The following is an example of the A-B-C’s of discussing hot topics. 

On the topic of refugees…

“I get what you’re saying and understand why you are scared to let strangers come here…here’s the thing…the conservative think tank, the Cato institute recently revealed the findings of a study that says “of the 859,629 refugees admitted from 2001 onwards, only three have been convicted of planning terrorist attacks on targets outside of the United States, and none was successfully carried out.” That is why I believe welcoming refugees is the right thing to do and doesn’t pose the threat that  some would have us believe.”  

Then let it simmer. Congratulations! You’ve just had a two way conversation that seemed impossible just a few short steps ago. 

I wish you and yours a happy season of thanksgiving, family gatherings and productive dialog as we join together to realize our collective hopes and dreams for peace.

Peace & Love,

kat ~ 21 November 2015