Inside the Skin

“The essence of love and compassion is understanding, the ability to recognize the physical, material, and psychological suffering of others, to put ourselves “inside the skin” of the other. We “go inside” their body, feelings, and mental formations, and witness for ourselves their suffering. Shallow observation as an outsider is not enough to see their suffering. We must become one with the subject of our observation. When we are in contact with another’s suffering, a feeling of compassion is born in us. Compassion means, literally, “to suffer with.”~ Thich Nhat Hanh

I have always considered myself to be kind. Generally good. Easily forgiving and accepting of others. I am quick to join those who fight injustice with my time and treasure. I am hopeful and trusting, perhaps naively so, in the goodness of others. And I am honest. Honest to a fault some say. Which brings me to this.

Why do I feel so disconnected from the world right now?

This world of 24-hour news feeds, polarized ideals, political unrest, tragedy, conflict and greed. Well the answer might seem obvious. I have little in common with the world I just described. All that despair and suffering of others somewhere over there has little to do with me…except..except, the truth is, it does. I am them. At least this is how it is if I truly am who I say that I am. Nothing happens to others without also happening to me. And that is my dilemma, because it all feels too horrible and big for one person. And I am not sure what to do. I could pray as some suggest, but I’m not completely sure anyone is listening. Humanity has suffered the scourge of adversity since the beginning of time.

Slowly, methodically I have been shutting down, shutting the ugly world out so I don’t have to know about it…or care. I have tried turning off the cable news, filling my corner of the world with routine and beauty. I have avoided reading newspapers and online commentaries, turning to books instead. I work every day, and celebrate life in the little day to day ways that we all do…dinner with family, birthdays, weddings, births and even death, remembering the blessing of a life fully lived. What more could possibly be expected of me?

And as I ponder that question I realize that the answer lies in the truth that I am trying desperately not to care what happens somewhere, over there, to others. But the thing is, I do. Because I am them and they are me and we’re in this mess together.

How do I reconnect? It’s not up to me to change the world! I couldn’t even if I tried. Who am I after all to think I could move the needle or make a difference? Who am I indeed!

Well, I am kind. Kindness helps when the need for help presents itself. Kindness smiles. It lets the mom with grumpy kids cut in line, it reads a story, it carries someone’s groceries, it shares a sweater, it holds a door.

And I am forgiving and accepting. Forgiveness chooses not to judge when wronged. Forgiveness allows me to give others the grace to learn the lessons of their own journey without trying to hurry them along, my way. Forgiveness helps me to let go. I can accept that we may not be in the same place or believe the same thing, and that is okay. Oh and one more thing. Forgiveness means forgiving myself too. For whatever. Being good is not dependent on perfection.

To reconnect, I can do what I can where I am. Small things can have a huge impact. I don’t need to be everywhere to care, to promote justice, to work for peace. But I can inhabit those things. I can be caring in every encounter I have with those around me. I can be justice through honesty and truthfulness and I can be peace. And those things that are happening somewhere else? Well, they are part of the journey of learning to connect for those who live there.  We all have a role to play.

It might not seem like a lot, but it’s a big deal. The poor, the sick, the outcasts, the refugees, war, conflict, greed…these things will always be with us. It takes courage and humility to care. To feel what others are feeling in suffering as well as joy, to put myself “inside the skin” of others. By virtue of my humanity I already have everything I need. I just need to remember who I am.

Namaste’ Fellow Humans 😊