A rant, as requested for Mindlovemiserysmenagerie’s Sunday Writing Prompt. Interesting prompt this week MLMM. Normally I would apologize for ranting, but since you asked…
Sorry…Not Sorry – A Rant
Do I offend you because I speak my mind? Because, in your words, “I care more about my beliefs than I care about you?”
Now you demand an apology and my silence in order to be welcomed back into your presence. Sorry…not sorry.
The truth is, you offend me. You, and your willful aversion to the truth. You and your self-righteous double-life…all love and politeness on the outside while you fester with fear and hatred on the inside.
I guess you thought you had me this time by denying that I existed, by breaking my heart, by disowning me. It had always worked in the past, with me acquiescing to your demands, tiptoeing on eggshells, towing your rigid, unforgiving line, playing by your rules. But I finally realize that nothing I do or don’t do will appease your self-involved, demanding heart.
Once, it didn’t matter to me if I assumed my expected ‘present but silent’, unquestioningly loyal role in your perfect life. But now? Now I see your heart, clear as day, and I am deeply embarrassed, disheartened and disgusted that I allowed myself to be tossed by your whims for so long. 100 “I’m sorry’s” will not make you happy. Not even 1000.
And frankly…can I be frank? Oh what the hell, you’re not listening anyway. I need to sleep each night. I need to live what I believe to be good and compassionate and true. I need to know that I did not sell my soul for the sake of a win.
Even so, I’ll always love you. We are blood, after all, connected by the strands of our DNA, but I’m not going to beg anymore. I happen to like who I am. And I’m learning that liking myself is what matters most of all, even if it means losing you.
Do I feel better? Not really…well, maybe a little, but my heart is still broken. Ranting can’t fix that. 😢💔😢