Collage, ‘in other words’ by Charles Bukowski
i can’t breathe
second-hand hot air
billowing
tinged with booze
too close, you are much too close
i say i need space
i can’t hear
i stopped listening
to your lies
silly me
i once believed every word
when i was easy
i can’t feel
my heart stopped beating
oh, it pumps
i’m alive
if you can call this living
numbing existence
i can’t leave
i think you’d like that
me leaving
so i stay
resistance in reclaiming
myself in the void
~kat
A Shadorma for MindloveMisery’s Menagerie Sunday Challenge, this week, to explore the topic of: Adjust to the Space of Self, using the collage and poem by Bukowski as inspiration.
A Shadorma is a stanza or series of stanzas with the syllable count o 3/5/3/3/7/5 for a total of 26 syllables.
like mercury colliding... 
September 12th, 2017 at 12:23 am
‘Second hand hot air’ comes so close to second-hand thoughts and opinions. Just suffocating!
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September 12th, 2017 at 12:27 am
Yes! Indeed it does. Thanks for the comment Reena!
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September 12th, 2017 at 9:09 am
thanks for playing the Sunday Writing Prompt Kat 🙂
You’ve explored the topic in magnificent fashion! The opening lines, as already noted, pack such a punch, it leaves one feeling the sensation, breathless and tense – and it just flows on from there, right to the closing lines, which complete the story. Equally telling in expressing how resistance can be such a powerful albeit destructive force.
Great job – and the form works really well in setting the tone and mood for the piece 🙂
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September 12th, 2017 at 9:11 am
Thank you. I had not heard of a Shadorma before perusing your site. I really like the form. 😊
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September 12th, 2017 at 9:15 am
it’s an interesting form – leaves room to expand, as opposed to haiku or tanka 🙂
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September 12th, 2017 at 1:48 pm
Fantabulous as always. 🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀
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September 13th, 2017 at 10:11 am
Thank Dorna! 🙂
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September 12th, 2017 at 6:41 pm
Very nice!!
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September 13th, 2017 at 6:23 am
Thank you Lynn. ❤️
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