A rant, as requested for Mindlovemiserysmenagerie’s Sunday Writing Prompt. Interesting prompt this week MLMM. Normally I would apologize for ranting, but since you asked…
Sorry…Not Sorry – A Rant
Do I offend you because I speak my mind? Because, in your words, “I care more about my beliefs than I care about you?”
Now you demand an apology and my silence in order to be welcomed back into your presence. Sorry…not sorry.
The truth is, you offend me. You, and your willful aversion to the truth. You and your self-righteous double-life…all love and politeness on the outside while you fester with fear and hatred on the inside.
I guess you thought you had me this time by denying that I existed, by breaking my heart, by disowning me. It had always worked in the past, with me acquiescing to your demands, tiptoeing on eggshells, towing your rigid, unforgiving line, playing by your rules. But I finally realize that nothing I do or don’t do will appease your self-involved, demanding heart.
Once, it didn’t matter to me if I assumed my expected ‘present but silent’, unquestioningly loyal role in your perfect life. But now? Now I see your heart, clear as day, and I am deeply embarrassed, disheartened and disgusted that I allowed myself to be tossed by your whims for so long. 100 “I’m sorry’s” will not make you happy. Not even 1000.
And frankly…can I be frank? Oh what the hell, you’re not listening anyway. I need to sleep each night. I need to live what I believe to be good and compassionate and true. I need to know that I did not sell my soul for the sake of a win.
Even so, I’ll always love you. We are blood, after all, connected by the strands of our DNA, but I’m not going to beg anymore. I happen to like who I am. And I’m learning that liking myself is what matters most of all, even if it means losing you.
~kat
Do I feel better? Not really…well, maybe a little, but my heart is still broken. Ranting can’t fix that. 😢💔😢
like mercury colliding... 
January 21st, 2018 at 10:51 am
Hugs Kat! (But a good rant for the prompt, nonetheless.)
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January 21st, 2018 at 11:33 am
And just when I thought I was turning a page with my ReVerse…this prompt! 😳
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January 21st, 2018 at 10:52 am
Very powerful Kat. Liking yourself is by far the most important, and, although ranting can’t cure anything, it does you good to vent your spleen.
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January 21st, 2018 at 11:28 am
Thank you Peter. I like the way you put it…venting one’s spleen. That’s a new figure of speech for me, but quite apropos! ❤️
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January 21st, 2018 at 12:29 pm
Obviously one that didn’t manage to fly across the Atlantic!
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January 21st, 2018 at 12:44 pm
Or I have just been blissfully unaware… 😜
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January 21st, 2018 at 4:32 pm
That’s allowed!
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January 21st, 2018 at 10:54 am
“Once, it didn’t matter to me if I assumed my expected ‘present but silent’, unquestioningly loyal role in your perfect life. But now?”
It’s just a shame it takes almost a lifetime to get there. But any regrets would take away from the full present experience so I’m passing on that chance to rewind and review.
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January 21st, 2018 at 11:26 am
To thine own self be true Ron. It comes with a cost, but the rewards are great. ❤️
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January 21st, 2018 at 11:27 am
Oh this hit me hard, right in the gut. It’s an impossible situation and you have handled it with integrity. I can relate to this, my relationship with my mother is very complex.
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January 21st, 2018 at 11:29 am
Gentle peace to you. We are not alone, even in our aloneness. ❤️
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January 21st, 2018 at 12:32 pm
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January 21st, 2018 at 3:44 pm
I felt very much for your character in this Kat, but I long ago learned the final point you make about loving yourself is all important to our well-being.
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January 21st, 2018 at 3:45 pm
Yes it is. ❤️
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January 21st, 2018 at 4:39 pm
My family is rife with such people. You could easily have been writing about one of them.
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January 21st, 2018 at 5:55 pm
Families are so complicated aren’t they? ❤️
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January 21st, 2018 at 5:28 pm
Brava.. 😎🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀
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January 21st, 2018 at 5:32 pm
Liking yourself is worth whatever size of sacrifice. Love the confidence in this 🙂
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January 21st, 2018 at 5:54 pm
Thank you Vivian. Baby steps, but it feels good.
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January 21st, 2018 at 6:23 pm
🙂
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January 21st, 2018 at 9:44 pm
I, too, deal with a family member who doesn’t listen. It’s exasperating!
Well written and cathartic for me to read.
Thanks.
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January 21st, 2018 at 10:30 pm
It truly is. I keep hoping they will eventually wake up. It’s been a nightmare. 😢
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January 22nd, 2018 at 10:04 am
Reblogged this on Read 4 Fun and commented:
What follows is a Writing Rant. To play on words, not really a pun, it could be called a Righting Rant. This is a person, it could be any of us, who has decided to take back personal control of life and resubscribe to cherished values which had become a bit compromised.
For any of my students tuning in, have you noted that while this is from a one person to another, the “other” could be any person who was trusted. A dysfunctional parent, an unthinking sibling, a valued family member who no longer and unaccountably no longer communicates, a BFF who has morphed into a frenemy.
And this leads us to the reader response theory in literature. We do not have to focus on the writer and measure greatness according to some standard delivered to us by distant, reclusive academics. In stead, look at the impact of the writing on its personal impact to you.
This writing led me to think and make connections personal to me. That is why I think it is great.
And that is my Rant.
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January 22nd, 2018 at 12:13 pm
Thank you Ron for your reblog and comments. -Kat
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