Learning to Let Go

Being partnered is an odd thing. As much as “two become one” in so many ways, there is also that separate personal space that must remain intact and nurtured if the relationship is to be a healthy one. It can seem almost impossible after a couple has spent many years together working toward common goals, to branch out of that comfortable “two in one-ness” zone. Sometimes we have to be forced from the pea pod!

My significant other and I have been through a roller coaster of ups and downs, losses and gains, giving and receiving this past year. It has brought us even closer together while ultimately spinning us in two distinctly separate directions. It is quite possible that we may each be on the verge of realizing our dreams. A wonderful thing indeed! But interestingly, those dreams are exclusive to each of us, not necessarily in opposition to the other, but separate all the same. We are learning a new dance, less of an intimate slow dance or even a funky fast slink and shuffle…more like a square dance that takes us around, away for a few twirls with others, and then back again to each other.

Having and realizing separate dreams needn’t tear our partnership asunder. But it is an interesting lesson in letting go. Like teaching someone to ride a bike…holding them steady from behind until they get their balance, letting go and staying just close enough to catch them, but only if they need it. Feeling the thrill of their success with them, from afar.

My love and are are both sensitive to signs…silly horoscopes that “fit”, serendipitous coincidences, storm clouds, shooting stars, totem animals and rainbows! Her dream has already begun to manifest in her life, and all the signs have been there showing her that she is on the right path.

Recently a fawn met her as she arrived home, grazing in our corner of our urban neighborhood. Recognizing that it might be a “sign”, I was eager to learn more about deer totems. A peaceful, gentle sign, deer sightings also represent trusting one’s intuition, new opportunities and embarking on new adventures.

I found myself wishing that I had seen that fawn with her…that it could be my sign too.  I could certainly use a little deer “energy” for my own dreamy aspirations.  But my dream, far from manifesting like hers, is still in its embryonic stage. I had to remind myself after so many years of shared dreams and signs and adventures, that this was her sign alone..separate and accessible to me only as a bystander.

It has become a practice in letting go as well as learning that being a true partner means rejoicing in her victories and signs…even the ones that don’t include me. As for my dream? Well, I certainly don’t need to hitch my wagon to hers or anyone else’s star or rainbow…or deer totem. I am convinced that my own time and signs will come. My partner has been holding me gently from behind supporting me as I did for her. It will be time for her to let go too, when  my dream finally takes flight. We are both learning the steps of this strange new square dance, spinning joyfully together and spinning just as joyfully apart.

And I am also learning that patience is a virtue best realized by those who wait…patiently.