the memory of you

i only saw you for a moment…
pink perfection, but you had
already gone. how can you
miss someone you’ve never
met? sometimes i wonder
who you might have become,
who i might be today had
my body not failed you.

there was no funeral,
no heartfelt epitaphs…
no records or witnesses
that you ever were, except
for me, who once carried
you deep inside, the child
i never held but can’t
forget, especially when
the memory of you
interrupts my busyness
and touches my heart.

kat ~ 12 October 2015

It’s a loss no one talks about. Grieving is considered an indulgence. Well-meaning souls will try to console you by reminding you how blessed you are to have other children, or if you don’t, they’ll assuredly mention that it was all part of some divine plan, or for the best…nature’s way of protecting you from a less than perfect child…of course none of these things are of any comfort when a mother miscarries.

I lost my child some 33 years ago in October. It wasn’t until this most recent nudge that I remembered that it was in October. We try to get on with life…to count our blessings, but we never forget. The void of tonight’s new moon simply reminds me that I’m not meant to forget. And that it’s okay to remember and to grieve.

(This poem was featured on Women’s Spiritual Poetry Blogspot on October 16th, 2015)


14 responses to “the memory of you

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