I have a confession to make…to the boy, I can’t remember his name…the one who sat next to me in the second grade.
I’ll just say it.
I’m the one who stole your Baby Jesus. Snatched him right out of the pencil tray in your desk. How could I not?
It’s no excuse, but I believe I needed him more than you did that day. Even your pitiful tears that made snot ooze over the crest of your lips and into your mouth…that made me flush from my neck to the tips of my ears…could not budge my resolve. I needed your tiny plastic Baby Jesus and I took it. And I told you eye to eye that I didn’t.
I’ve never forgotten this moment of lost innocence when at seven years old, I learned I wasn’t that good girl. Behind my twinkling eyes, freckled nose and curly locks a monster lurked in the dark recesses of my heart. I can think of nothing more heinous than what I did that day. Baby Jesus? That’s how hard core I was when I embarked on my maiden crime spree. It has haunted me for years.
And I don’t expect you to forgive me little boy, who is now a man. I hope you have forgotten it and me. And if it’s any consolation I’ve learned my lesson.
I needed to know about the darkness inside of me so I could choose the light, so I could learn not to judge.
I never stole again after that day. And when I have fallen victim myself to petty thievery I have learned to let it go. To say a silent prayer even, for the perpetrator. Whatever it was that captured their fancy, I am convinced that they needed it more than me.
kat 31Aug2015
like mercury colliding... 
September 1st, 2015 at 12:23 am
Oh Kat, this is powerful. Have you read _The Dark Side of the Light Chasers_by Debbie Ford? I could not get through it–too hard to turn and face my dark side(s)! I’ve done a lot of Inner Work since then, though…wanna try again and see if it’s a little easier now. Your post here is encouraging and brave. 😌
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September 1st, 2015 at 4:01 am
I haven’t read the book Catherine, but I am intrigued. Be gentle with yourself. I have a sense that the light has won the battle for your heart. 🙂 Facing the dark helps us to realize the victories 🙂
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September 1st, 2015 at 11:11 am
Catherine,
I ordered Debbie Ford’s book. I am looking forward to reading it. 🙂
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September 1st, 2015 at 1:01 pm
Thank you, Kat. Connection with tribe members like you keeps me in the light. 🙂
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September 1st, 2015 at 11:04 am
Very well written. It’s like I was standing there, watching the scene unfold before my eyes. Feeling your emptiness that you felt could only be filled by possessing the baby Jesus. Not yet realizing everyone has their moments of temptation, some give in to it, others not. But you have to wonder if those who give in wind up being the strongest among us.
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September 1st, 2015 at 11:07 am
Thanks Karen,
Learning to face and even embrace my dark side has had a profound affect on me. And as I mentioned has helped me to choose the light. 🙂
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September 6th, 2015 at 9:21 am
[…] this present moment asks they needed it more than me twirling us from starlit dust she never said goodbye so Love built a bridge (ibid. stanza one) A […]
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